The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
