On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
