If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
