Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
