Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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