: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
