Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
