we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
