I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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