what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
