my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
