no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
