I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
