You can't motorboat a personality
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
