Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
