Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
