don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
