Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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