Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
