she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
