WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
