There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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