Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
