google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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