just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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