I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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