So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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