okay pat passed out under dana's car
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
