Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
