Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
