I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
