My cat gives me a boner
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
