so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
