Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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