Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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