That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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