there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
