Can i not drive my cunt home
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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