I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
