He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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