so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
