Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
