He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
