the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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