I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
