You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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