Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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