I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
