I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When are your genitals available?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
