BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
