I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They took my balls.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
